Man, where exactly do I start? I must warn you ahead of time...this post will be all over the place! It is just a rambling recap of a very special encounter with my Savior. I have prayed fiercely over my heart, heads and even keyboard as I try to share with you my awesome experience! Please be patient and try to follow along!
Okay, here it goes! I must be truly honest! I have strongly despised running and exercising lately. To be quiet honest, dropping my girls off at school and coming back home to do absolutely nothing has been exactly what "felt best." I tried to blame it on the fact that Jon was gone for multiple weeks at a time and I was just tired. I knew in my heart that my spiritual cup was running on empty. I had let the enemy fill my head with so many lies that my heart was drowning. I didn't WANT to read God's word, spend time with Him or even lead my little angels in prayer time. (So sad, I know!!!) However, even though it was not what I wanted, I did it all out of obedience and, this morning, He met me right where I needed Him. He released a stonghold that I have been praying about for quite some time!
(This fountain has always marked the start of my runs. This morning as I passed by at the beginning, I knew it was standing there frozen solid to prove my stupidity. Then, as I returned, it was a beautiful picture of God melting away my insecurities!)
First, let me set the stage. I cannot sell Him short by leaving out this important start to my morning. I woke up with an unbelievable urge to pray and run. What? That has not been a craving lately, more like a job! I was thrilled to feel a little bit of life inside again. I got up a little early, spent time praying scripture (my new goal!) and got on my running clothes. (yes, I tried to talk myself out of it when I realized it was 22 degrees but I am telling you, we had a divine meeting in store! The enemy was all over trying to stop this, I am sure!) I put Adelynn in "my gym" as she calls it. She loves the caretaker, friends and time away to fill like a big girl, I guess. Yet today, different caretaker and no friends...enemy? I tried to pull up the ipod on my phone to find NO music. So, then tried to pull up 104.7 The Fish station. Wouldnt' work, ughhhh! Then, remembered Pandora! Found Casting Crowns station and I was off to a running start. The first three songs that played where the new songs added to my playlist. Yahooo, God can even win battles on an ipod! They each spoke deeply to where I was today and the past 3 months! And, YES, I was so overcome by His presence, I was the goofball running through the neighborhood and main street with my hands held high. I couldn't help but praise Him for the immense peace I had received over my current battles.
I must add...Jon has been under spiritual attack lately too! We have been called to stand in the gap and make a few stands that, honestly, don't make a whole lot of sense to ourselves or those around us! Although, I KNOW, that most of the judgements made by our friends have been out of protection for us, it still rocked us a little. Jon felt strongly about what God had called us to do but, truthfully, I can say for the most part, I would rather have dug my heels in and stayed strong for the "plans" we had made for ourselves. We set out a year and a half ago to move closer to where our lives took place. Although it was only 15-20 closer into town, the urge was planted and we wanted to do it. Even in a terrible market to sell and through the giggles and judgement. We set up a plan, found a house to buy and waited. Waited. And waited. Nothing!! We were NOT moving until we sold! Not even considering it! No way! End result, God laughed at our plans and we now own two homes and are landlords, Ha! That set the stage for a ton of judgments. He lead us straight into the neighborhood where we swore we would never live, in the back section where my insecurities would be FULLY exposed and in a house that I can honestly say, I did NOT like. (Now, I adore this home! It is no longer a "house." It is our HOME and I feel peace over every inch of it! this is for my mom, I know she worried and could sense my uneasyness in the beginning. You have no need to worry! We are happy and as my sign says, I have full faith that His hand is upon us and we will live "Happily Ever After")
(side note...I will post more pics of our lovely home soon! Ailee's bday first, though. My goal in decorating my house is to make it a "home." Where everything in it says something about who we are as a family! The entry inside is exactly that...the bench is from a wonderful family friend of my Pop's. He gave it to my mom who graciously shared it with us! It is from an old church and it's presence here reminds us to stay close to His house and surround ourselves with family and friends who lift us up with their faith and love! The "Nest" pillow has a deep meaning to me and my girls. I grew up finding security in my Granny's "nest" as she would call it. Being snuggled there with her was where I was safe. I know her presence in this home is huge. She watches us, guides us and showers us with her beautifulness from Heaven above.)
Well, back to my message and words of truth this morning...I will testify, we moved and survived but not without a lesson (actually, quite a few lessons)! We took in the judgement and voices of those around us instead of the small, still voice of our Father. We got caught up in what those around us thought of our latest leaps of faith. This morning, I realized that the one and only voice that matters is the "voice of Truth" and by listening to that sweet sound, I can "walk by Faith" and stand strong with my face lifted high and my eyes on Heaven where I will "live happily ever after with my Savior!" Whew, can you sense the amount of pressure I released with this simple realization. It is hard to share with you but it was huge. It was no longer words I spoke or heard, it was what I honestly felt in my heart! What a peace!
Next, He reminded me of some of the blessing we have received through this move. The friends surrounding us and our girls since we moved are huge. I had a bad attitude at first. Thought the worst of everyone and almost wanted it to turn out bad. Nope, turned out PERFECT! Two, actually three, very special people are directly out our front door. (Now, I can say all the following because I am sure based on solely looking at the two families from the outside, you would not place us in the same circle. They are both brillant doctors, daughter goes to private school, both very outdoor people, concerned primarly with being strong followers of Christ, being awesome parents and never make decisions based on what others will think or say! HUGE! I was a "tad" bit intimidated!) So, what did God do...nudged me to ask her to lead a bible study in my home. WHAT? I responded with, "Umm, God, I have lived here all of 10 minutes and that would mean fully exposing myself in front of this Highly intellegent, strong woman! Nope, can't do it!" Ignoring Him did not work, so I emailed her to try to save myself the face to face embarassment and she was honored and wanted to do it! What? Yes, when will I learn that God works on both sides. He had been preparing her to lead a small group for quite a while! AWESOME! (Note: Manna, add to jar. Will explain shortly!) So, once again, He was is all over me this week. I actually tried to cancel our weekly meeting this week because only 3 of us could make it. Lisa said she really wanted to do it anyway. Now I see why. The message was soley for ME! I must add that she is extremely logical and factual which is total opposite of me. I am a heart woman! Not at all a coincidence that He picked her to mentor me, ugh? So, she started off the lesson with tons of facts. Trying to focus, I zoned in, determined to make it worth an evening away from my family. Totally worth it! She offered great info and lead straight into the part of the bible dicussing manna. It landed smack on my heart and revealed a lack of thanksgiving for the "spiritual manna" I have been given. She handed out these little jars and asked us to fill it with "manna," sticky notes actually, that shared blessings and works of God's hand in our lives and our family's lives. This calls for a huge time of reflection on my part and it all started this morning! Yeah, first sticky note filled up with current "manna!" She asked us to place the jar somewhere in our home so that we could share it with our children. Just like in the Bible when the people were asked to take 2 quarts of manna and fill up a jar to share with later generations about how God saved them. Well, first thing the next morning...Anna Grace walked by the jar, "what is this?" My response, "it is our Manna Jar and we are each going to fill it with different color sticky notes that recall times in our lives where God revealed Himself to us." She seemed excited! Me too! When they are teenagers, they will need actual reminders of when God showered His love on them!
More...we have been called as a family to reach out to someone in need. I can just say, we have NO reservations! This is already making an enormous impact on our girls and creating a heart of compassion within. It is my daily prayer that God will reveal a desire to serve within them that they are unable to ignore throughout all stages of their lives. How else can I support this prayer than to make it evident in my own daily life? So, we are helping where we can. Stepping out in ways that affect today for this precious little girl. Despite loved ones around us who have a few reservations, we are called to do this. We hear God's voice and know that we are not supossed to be discouraged by the enemy telling us that we cannot change "forever" for this child. Her "forever" on this Earth is not the end! If we can in some way impact her days here, we are committed even with the realizination that we may never see the outcome of our works. I know she will continually go "home" to bad situations. However, in our home, she catches glimpses of love, commitment and family. We are in no way a perfect family, but we are sharing with her what a "family of God" is like. She is precious...she fits right in! The girls know the enormity of the problems she faces (we have not hid from them the fact that each and everything they have is a direct result of God's Grace and that it is ALL a blessing!) and they treat her just the same. They lift up her and her needs in prayer but to her face show nothing but equality and love that surpasses my adult understanding! I see her step back and become "a fly on the wall" just observing us and taking it all in sometimes. If nothing else comes of our love for her, I pray if she is ever blessed with a child of her own that she can break the continual cycle in her family of just "giving up the blessing up motherhood." I pray that she stores the pictures of God she sees through my girls in her mind and that upon motherhood she "pays it forward" to her children.
I wish I could share with you the power of this day (past few days) has been for me! It is like I have come out from under a rock that has been guarded by my enemy from all sides. I just want to thank those of you who have stuck it out with me! Loved me through it and supported me no matter what I took offense to or held against you in some way! I ask for continual prayer as we begin to reflect on our "manna jar" for our family. I know Satan will want to hold us back from completely filling it will our blessing but God is so good and His power will be revealed, I know!
So, sorry for rambling! Girls, I hope you feel God's presence in this message and He uses it to speak to you one day when the world's judgement seems more important than His! May your days forever showcase His glory. I no longer want to "stand along the shore of His ocean!"
Oh, and I cannot end without painting a picture for you girls of how wonderful your Daddy is! We all woke up to little notes hidden by our breaksfast areas! (note: add my sweet husband to my color sticky for the "manna jar!" Man, did the enemy try to steal this blessing from me many times. Those who know us best know the truth behind this "miracle!")
Anna Grace was completely one board! She left this response by your bed..."I would love to! YES!"
7 comments:
Amen girl! There is nothing as satisfying as God surprising you with Himself. I love it when that happens!
I've been following your blog for a week or two now. Your girls are gorgeous!!! I read your post today and just had to say, you are a brave woman for being so transparent in your post. I commend you, I really do. The beauty in your post is that you may have experienced a dry week or two, but GOD, BUT GOD, BUT GOD, opened your eyes to the revelation that that is sin and you seem to be fighting it. We all go through those times unfortunately, but praise Him in these times and he will work all things together for the good!
Now that I have read it all...I bet you feel lighter! Blessed deliverance! Awesome...stick to your guns and stay strong. Love the manna jar!
PS. When I first read your post, it was NOT length, I went back to check on updates from all of the blogs I follow and noticed you added a picture or THREE. I read the post in it's entirety. WOW! Powerful and beautiful. I, too, am a Christ follower. I will keep you i my prayers. I LOVED the notes from "daddy" and the reply from your daughter was incredibly precious.
bollingwith5@gmail.com
Good stuff girl!! LOVE IT when I hear about God working in a sister's life! Keep on, keeping on! Press in and HE will surely continue to ROCK your world like He did today!
Recently, I've caught your updates while in the car. It's really hard to comment while driving....err... I mean while sitting parked, NOT driving! oops! hope Brad doesn't see this. ;-)
Amen to getting free from worrying about other people's judgements. Once you really understand that IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU, you are forever changed. Who are we serving? Who are we trying to please?
Good stuff!
(you know it's Stacey, right?!) I really should write down my pass word for google. OR! You should move to xanga!
I love your blog! It is one of the only blogs I have found that touches me so much. I love the same things that you do and am often criticized for things I do for my girls. I am always encouraged by how you obviously put God first and are teaching your precious girls to do the same. I quickly read your post a few days ago and enjoyed it, but today I was reminded of your words. I had to reread it! I need a push to get back on track from a time of rest. Thanks for the encouragement!( too funny not so share... my word verification to share this is sininit- yikes! I guess God is talking to me! I better listen!)
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