Earlier this year, the most gracious people welcomed me onto their island where I was determined to share the love of Jesus with them. Much to my surprise when what happened in reality is that God used them to open MY heart and MY own eyes...
I have experienced Claustrophobia in quite a few instances during the most recent years (yes, some of you that know me well have gotten to take pleasure in me embarrassing myself and my sweet children because of it. Just cause I think God is fun like that sometimes to make us get over ourselves a tad. He demands humility so what better way to learn than a complete panick attack at sixflags on the swings with your family. Or, in a parking garage with sweet friends where you just know the whole thing is about to collapse in on you and, despite all efforts, your "crazy" just comes untucked.
Sorry, back to the point of why he ask me to write today--claustrum is the Latin word that means "a shut in place." It's no shocker that I had claustrophobia--I had definitely found myself in a shut-in place!
My Savior is using my physical fear of walls closing in on me to awaken my spiritual case of self-inflicted suffocation. He ever so gently took my shoulders and turned me around to stand face to face with such a beautiful world I had closed my eyes, and so very sadly, part of my heart off too for so long. People standing so near to me I could touch them but I would look past them. Oh, how it breaks my heart now.
How could I be so selfish to think that my purpose here could be as narrow-minded as tending to my own? It was quite easy actually, I didn't TRULY ask Him. I just assumed what I had put in my own box (a very small one, might I add) was my only responsibility. Surely it was those people and things I was supposed to love, serve, bless and pour myself into, RIGHT? Wrong, I was having trouble breathing the true love of Christ because I was in such a small place I was suffocating myself.
BUT... here's the victory, my friends. He does NOT let us stay there!! He came to redeem. He came to save. He lives in me and He couldn't allow Himself in me to be closed off anymore. I imagine He was getting restless, too, in that tight space. John 15:5 reminded me this morning that "I can do nothing apart from God." And, this means in my case...even the simple task of breathing. I had cut off my air supply.
So, He stripped me. As a result of the refining, I am spurred on toward Heaven in such amazing ways by what I can see from the forced opening up of that box and over time the burning down of it. Thank you, Lord! It's SUCH freedom to live without boundaries, without judgement, to love and serve what He puts in my path!
Yesterday, I was given the opportunity to return the favor and share parts of my world with two of my incredibly gracious island friends, Pastor Steve and Mrs. Bernie. They are here in the states for medical opportunities so it was fun to spend time with in a few of our favorites stops around town. They LOVED the Good Will. Who wouldn't when you come from an island for a two week stay in a place where the temperature drops below freezing? They needed some short-term warm clothes and a shopping spree was such an adventure for all three of us! Then, Adelynn just had to take them to the bakery. We all enjoyed some goodness there to say the least. We visited my favorite group of ladies at our weekly women's bible study, ate a yummy lunch at Rotary, stopped by Publix and, then, they enjoyed helping me taxi my little ones to and from all their activities. We laughed and laughed. The goodness was contagious. Adelynn, my child who is accustom to quickly stealing other people's hearts, got a dose of her own medicine and was taken in by the charm of these loving souls with rapid speed. With each chance she got, she couldn't help but be hugging them. I was blessed to experience every second of it.
The truth is simple. We were created OUT of love...in turn, TO love without borders, past status, beyond our own shallow walls we build. Lord, please remove all the "shut in places" of my heart so it will explode with the great LOVE and GRACE your Son shows to me daily. I fail with the best of them---minute by minute, I need you!
Although the victories are becoming more and more often, it requires a constant surrender to die to my flesh and rip open my box. The difference is now that I have tasted the goodness of wide open spaces. The pleasures found in running to His embrace and to those He has placed around me to share in pushing one another toward Heaven are so overwhelming abundant that I never want to build walls around myself again. I am grateful for it ALL this Thanksgiving season....the good, the bad and the ugly parts of myself because in those messy details of me is where He has allowed me to feel His arms holding me the tightest! Hugging the insecurities supply such relief... In my own weakness, I am made strong in His great strength!
When I look back on this journey, please Lord, don't let it leave me gasping for air!
Happy Friday!
Let's tear down some stongholds in His name this chilly weekend...
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