Foster to Adopt....our Journey to 6

 ~A real life glimpse into adoption through foster care~

 Anders Charles England

"Mighty Warrior"

 (you surely are a warrior, little one, and you've taught us all how to battle in the Lord's Army)

A dear friend who had just walked through the adoption journey sent me this excerpt as we embarked on the first stages of our foster journey.  I continually revisit it because I just knew it spoke so deeply to what God wanted me to learn.  Today, I want to try to be completely authentic with you about adoption. I pray God is honored and you get a deeper glimpse into being RESCUED......

"I just know that no one need adopt if they think they get to sign up to be some Savior White Barbie swooping into rescuing any abandoned child because the truth of it is:

You’re the one rescued — 

you can’t rescue anybody. You only get to hold on to the Rescuer.

I just know that no one gets to mug for the camera with a flash of pearly whites and their newly adopted family without stepping into a story of trauma. The only way a family is made through adoption — is for someone to lose a family first. The only way anyone gets to adoption is through a door of loss and unless you fully feel the depth of that loss, the door you’re walking through leads to nowhere honest". ~Ann Voskamp

**************************************

Here we find ourselves after a very long stroll through the dark, many hours spent face down in prayer, lonely nights full of thousands of unanswered questions and, yet, we reach a crossroad. The promise that sometimes we felt was fading becomes our present reality.

This baby we first held just merely weeks into his precious life...is now a true member of our family; no longer just a huge piece of our hearts.  This means No more adding a prefix before saying "this is our ---- son/brother".  It's adoption day!!  Our FOREVER family day💗💗💗💙 and our gratitude is explosive.

I am ill-equipped to even begin to explain what the heart feels at a moment like this. But, with my Saviors help and call, I will do my very best...................

The Lord began this work in me years before.  I was so clueless to what He had planned for me. I cried out at Him in anger when He taught me about loss. I longed, kicked, screamed and fought back for the things He stripped from me when preparing me for this journey.  But, I had been carried through firsthand and found out how to live again after loss that felt like family. However, what I wasn't aware of was the loss that comes from GAIN.

It's the day we gain a life. Our family is finally coming face to face with a victory we have been longing for. If you want to stop at the surface, then stop here. Cause that's as far as that "win" goes. The truth of adoption is loss.  For us to claim this baby boy as our own and for him to gain us as his forever family, his first family is suffering a huge defeat. As well as, the loss of what was designed by God himself before sin, to define a family for this little soul we love so deeply.  Every bit of that tears me apart. Not because I agree at all with the poor decisions that got them here. Not because I would ever place him back in the destructive cycle. But, because sin is SIN and it grips us ALL in some way of another.  Because loss is hurtful and reoccurring. And, it will resurface a million and one times in each of the members of the original family unit that is cutting cords today.  Please don't mistake a single bit of this truth for a lack of joy and thrilling excitement to now be on paper the "mommy" to this precious angel that I have cared for like my own since he was less than 10 lbs!!! 💙 My heart could truly explode at the honor it brings.

 He has delivered something to our family and my heart that was carved out by the hand of God himself and it is one of my greatest blessings!!!!

However, I won't deny our gain is someone's very hard loss. A fact that cannot and will not be ignored. Above our kitchen window (in the heart of our home) hangs a sign

"break my heart for what breaks yours" 

It's the single most important lesson I have learned in this journey.  I cannot enter into this stage as an adoptive momma without feeling the loss alongside of the birth mother of my son.   She will always be spoken of with honor in our home.  Oh Lord, please hold her close.  As I snuggle the baby night after night that made us both a mommy again, please keep chasing hard after her and wrap her in your protection. One day (many days in repeat I'm afraid), I will sit face to face with my son and explain to him the love of a Savior that can override the pain of loss in all of this. I will also try my best to explain sin that holds so strong that sometimes we can't get past it and it will take from us the very things that mean the most.  I will experience this loss and the joy of this gain with him many, many times in the days ahead. Where I find my hope is this.....the gospel is made of these very things.  I imagine the Father as the Son hung on that cross to gain Him many sons and daughters for eternity.

We have experienced a little of all of it....loss, hurt, renewal, gain, redemption, freedom, undeserving grace and, above all, love without boundaries.  So now, we smile, we laugh in true thanksgiving, we cry tears of JOY, we point ALL the glory and honor to the one who rescues, we pray, we trust hard, we leave questions open to be only answered by His unfailing sovereignty.  We never, ever forget the prices paid, the strengthening of our faith or the feeling of victory that comes from deliverance by our one and only Savior. We cherish every difficult and good day on this journey. Our journey to 6!

To my baby boy~not a single day have I or will I ever regret the Y.E.S. to this call. You have taught me how to love the unlovable, how to forgive the unforgivable, how to extend grace far past what my flesh thought was possible and how to walk through the pitch darkness with unexplainable hope. Mommy loves you all the muches in the whole wide world. You made me a #boymom and that's something I never even knew I needed, wanted or would adore with every single ounce in me.  I pray I never forget all the gifts I have been given directly from the hand of God through your smiles, hugs, butterfly kisses and just the opportunity to love you and care for you as your mommy. I am now your forever mommy. Oh, how I have prayed for the honor of that title. I will not ever take it lightly. And, I will never ever leave you, little one.  Never.

To your big sisters~ my precious first gifts~each of you taught me how to walk this road with abounding grace. You continued to pray without ceasing even when your dad and I just couldn't. You three stayed the course and drove the stake in the ground so many times when we, as the adults, wanted to throw in the towel.  I witnessed firsthand childlike faith because of you. You may never know how the love you each so freely gave spurred us to keep marching. Each and every sacrifice never went unnoticed or will ever be forgotten. You lost so much innocence in seeing the world from this place. I trust with everything in me that the Lord will do great and mighty things through each you because of it. Your compassion for the lost and hurting is already unmeasurable. We have learned to build our foundation together on the cross. I will be forever grateful for how you three angels have so graciously shared our home and your hearts!

 

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••