Born Again...

Last night was one of those brief moments that I will remember until the last few seconds I have on this Earth. The girls and I were all sitting in our bed doing our normal nightly devotion and prayer time. However, it quickly took a turn from what the author of our devotion book for girls thought was important. Anna Grace started in with a questions about discernment. I have been amazed at her gift of prayer lately and there is obviously a lot more communication going on between her and her Heavenly Father than she opens up to us about. (Which is more than fine by me!) She wanted to know how she was sure it was God's voice when she was asking Him for help with things and waiting on answers. First off, I struggle with this daily so I was a little taken back by having to try to explain this to her. Secondly, I was immediately overcome with gratitude to Him for allowing me a peak at her heart and the realization that she is seeking His guidance for her life. It was completely surreal and it gave me peace with some issues I have been dealing with lately about school and her being included in so many "secular" activities. I felt Him soothing my anxiety over the fact that there are areas of her life that are not "sheltered" so to speak. I heard Him plain as day saying to me..."Do you think I would ask you to send your daughters out into a world that I would not send my own Son? If it was okay for My only Son to step out of a complete and Holy place to minister to my Earthly sons and daughters, then please trust Me with your little girls as I use them to share My love with those around them that may never see or hear Me anywhere else!" He was SOOO right! Imagine that? Why do I question that we are making the right choices when I know He loves them more than I ever can? Why do I think that He cannot handle their hearts and lives even though this world is not my "ideal" for them?

The conversation between Anna Grace and I went on for over 30 minutes or more. Ailee sat patiently and was soaking it all in. Finally, I guess she waited as long as she could and she raised her little hand (ha! Do I run this house like a classroom?) and said "Mommy, I wish I could ask God to come live in my heart and He could help me when I need Him." I felt like time stood still for a few minutes. She has made comments for the past month or so about wanting to be saved. Sadly, I must admit that I have assumed her too young and rushed past them to move on to other topics. Trying not to discourage her but "knowing" she was too little to understand. At that moment, I heard over and over in my head, "Let the little children come to Me." It was not my place to decide if she was ready or not. Again, I had to trust that He is big enough to handle my daughter's heart. Ailee's teacher had given me a sweet quote that morning (this isn't the first time He has used her to send me little hints). It said...God is looking for imperfect mothers raising imperfect daughters in an imperfect world-who are desperately dependent on a perfect God for the results. I know I am far from perfect and most days lately that has been heavy on my heart. Many nights, I go to sleep wondering "How I screwed up my girls today?" I had gotten freedom from that stronghold through this little nudge from Ailee's sweet teacher. (who has no clue about my thoughts, by the way, BUT HE DOES! And, that's awesome!) Anyway, sorry to ramble, but I felt it was time to just go with it and see how much she really understood. Or from what I could tell! Anna Grace and I said we would pray with her as she prayed the salvation prayer. She went straight into it all on her own. She asked and explained it better than I probably could have and much better than I have heard some adults do it lately. It was precious! She was so big and so aware! She asked specifically for the Holy Spirit to help her make better choices and for God to take away all her sins. She summed it up with a thank you for dying on the cross and said that she just couldn't stop loving Him. With more words than this and sweet emotions, another one of my precious daughters had been born again. I was holding them in my arms the first minute they entered this world and I sat holding them both again during the minutes they both became born again into the Kingdom of Heaven! God is so Good!

I am aware that one of the last things His Son asked of His people was to share the good news. I cannot expect my sweet girls to be able to be the salt and light of the Earth if I never let them actually find their place in it. So, I am going to stand firm in my faith and the glimpse that He shared with me last night that He holds my children in His loving hands and though they are not perfect and will not always make the best decisions, as long as they are seeking Him first that I can breathe lighter and enjoy what I see unfolding before me instead of living in fear of when this evil world with get it's way with my babies.

Jesus, I cannot thank you enough for using my imperfect ways to guide and draw my children closer to you. Thanks for reminding me yesterday that I am completely dependent on You for the results and at the end of the day if my girls are looking to You first, then I can sleep easy knowing that You hold them in the palm of Your hand. In Your precious Son's Name, Amen.